Wednesday, May 17, 2006 @1:27 PM
The holidays so far have been like any typical, ordinary holidays... and sometimes it seems that sch's gonna start again once august comes.. the teeny weeny problem is that i've finished school and instead of studying, it's time to start working.. =(
I have like no plans watsoever.. what to do, where to go.. juz know that i absolutely dun wanna accept a job juz for the sake of it. my whole life's like in a lull.. the same goes for my spiritual life.. it's been stagnating like crazy!! ugh ugh....
Yet i know that in the midst of it all... God is still faithful and good....
I've been stubborn, acting like a disobedient child... intentionally running away from God... not wanting to do QT.. taking matters into my own hands.. and not wanting to let go and let God.. and God have been gracious.. waiting for me to run back to Him... to lay all my dreams and cares and worries at His feet... to surrender truly and wholly.
And as i run, He is ever trying to reach out to me.. through friends.. through people ard me.. through small incidents.. Alicia juz asked my when i am going for my personal retreat.. smth i kinda forgot though i had wanted to do juz that the moment exams ended.. and God reminded me AGAIN yesterday through the most absurd of ways..
I went for an interview yest and i was as usual gonna be late. =p and as i was walking out of my condo, the management staff in charge of the security guards asked if i wanted a lift.. i was like... ??? how often do u get offered a ride by the most unlikely of ppl?! i rejected it of course.. but he was kinda insistent, and i was getting late.. so i thought.. why not? but it wasn't the ride that left an impression, it was the conversation along the way... we started talking abt superficial stuff.. and about my job obtions.. and suddenly, he started sharing abt his brother's life.. how God blessed him in hs career and love life and all.. turns out that his brother is super committed to God and spends all his time doing church stuff and all.. and now, his brother is the boss of many branches in Singapore and malaysia.. AND hear this, the FOUNDING PASTOR of a church. again, it was yet another reminder to let go and let God.. subconsciously, i realised that i've been holding on too tightly to my life.. and in the midst of trying to stay in control, i've veered way off course......
so now, i've decided to juz focus on God.. time for that quiet time i've been putting off... i know it's not gonna be easy.. the stress to find a job soon is still on.. but i believe that God will see me through.... =)
jacq.. learn to let go.. let God...
my friend told me this.. many times, we hold on so tightly to God's fingers, refusing to let go.. kicking, scratching, trying to vent our frustrations on Him.. and juz trying to hold on.. but we forget that when we let go, God's other hand is there to hold us when we fall... we forget to trust that God is in control.. we need to let go... =)